Cookies Crumble Again

Well the one thing I have said from the beginning is that I was going to be completely honest.  Well, honestly, I suck.  Over the last 3-4 weeks I have failed.  I have dropped off my diet, have not stuck to my exercise plan 110%, and just let myself, my trainer and everyone else down, even if they don't know it.

Over the last couple weeks I have let other influences get in the way.  I know I need to do this for me and only I can do this.  I need to recommit myself 110% again.  I need to stick to the diet perfectly, and get my ass in the gym at least six days a week.  I need to increase my cardio sessions and push myself harder in training.  I have been lazy and getting frustrated and hiding it through eating.  Yes eating.

I always have vented through food.  Emotional eating.  Whether I was happy, frustrated, pissed or excited.  All of it relates to food.  I have always remembered overeating, eating when I was bored, and just eating.  I like eating.  But what I never let myself realize is that I cannot eat just to eat. I would hide food, or eat really fast so no one would find me eating it. That all needs to change.  I need to focus on eating for health and not eating to eat.  Food gives you energy to lose the weight. I cant continue like this.  My goal for this month was 18 pounds and now I have gained two.  That's why I havent been on here.  I was not excited to write or happy about what I should be writing. That's all changing.

I obviously have the will power to do this, as long as I keep myself focused.  I have completely changed my life in the last 9 weeks.  I have dramatically cut back on drinking, changed my entire diet (minus the recent cheating), started an intense workout routine, and quit smoking cold turkey.  I do give myself credit for all that has changed but I also hate myself for what I have done the last couple weeks to basically sabotage the success I have had.

I have researched emotional eating as well as focusing methods.  So from now on starting tomorrow morning, I will record everything.  I will record each time I eat, how much I eat, and how hungry I was before and after.  This way over time I can monitor how hungry I was compared to the amount of food I ate.  Overeating and not stopping when full is one of my biggest issues.  Shouldn't be a problem with portion control on my diet but I need to almost be obsessed I feel.  I need to keep myself more honest.  At least Ill be able to look back and see I did not over eat I did not cheat and here is the proof.

I will also be recording each workout, the length, and what occurred. My training I will not be sharing all the details as that's not fair to my trainer to just put it out there for all to see and use.  If I take the next 6-9 weeks to just focus on eating correctly and working out correctly, it will lead to the break of 200.  Again that is my first major goal and essentially my halfway point for me.

Well now that I have shared the crumbles, I am off to relax watch some tv and then get ready for my 5 am cardio workout tomorrow.

I hope no one stops reading because of my recent failure, however, no one is perfect and at least im honest about it.