I know its been awhile since I have blogged but I must say this first.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok, now that that is out, I can breathe again. So why the cookies crumble. Last weekend fell off the diet a bit and cheated. Felt really guilty and struggled with it for a bit. Then Monday came and I said enough is enough time to get my ass back in the gym and go for it. 18 pounds is my goal for August.
Monday was training with Brian and it was outside. It was around 90 degrees outside. Some cheating has caused me headaches again and I don't think its from not eating because all I do is eat work and gym. I made it three rounds in to bear crawls and lunges before I couldn't breathe, chest hurt, and felt dizzy. I was pissed because I couldn't do it and gave up before I felt like I was going to faint.
Tuesday was cardio to get ready for this weekend. Oh that's right, no one knows. I am running my first ever 5k on Saturday for the fight against child abuse and sexual assault. I am doing it with my mom and I am really excited and trying to prep in under a week.
Today the headache was back but I had my protein and my meals. Going into tonight, Brian asked if I wanted to do the workout from Monday start to finish and I was determined to get through it no matter if it killed me. Well I get there and he decides we are going to stay in because it was still 94 degrees outside and I am guessing he didn't think I was ready for it. I don't know if I was or could have made it through it but the next time he brings it up I will kill it no matter if I throw up afterwards or not.
So the reason for the ahhhhhh! I did my warm of up interval running and lots and lots of stretching. Then I find out we are staying inside. First thing first is we are doing three different things at 30 20 10 and then repeat 4 times. The goal was 20 minutes. I can honestly tell you I did not make that goal. 34 minutes. :( Between the jumps, that stupid medicine ball that I feel has it out for me, and pushups I was huffing and puffing to get through. One of the things I love about Brian is he knows how far to push me before cracking and now has developed a scare tactic to use against me.
Brian's scare tactic against me = burpies. What I refer to as up down hell. I was struggling with form on the medicine ball and just trying to figure out how I should be positioned and doing what Brian seemed to demonstrate as easy. I kept focusing on form. I kept slipping. He started saying you mess this up- BURPIE. So he said he was going to start counting burpies in his head after I did three. Luckily, by the end I did not have to do more. The thought of doing those pushed me through.
One thing I didn't like that held me back was I was having trouble deep breathing and was sweating my ass off. Now I know its from the smoking, but I am going to have to make the decision to finally quit sooner or later. I've tried many times before and failed or only succeeded for a few months. He had good reasoning saying your doing all this work to make yourself healthy and your going to continue to do that. You have to make the decision and soon so you can continue to push yourself further in your workouts.
It took extra motivation and him pushing me to get through it. I have the determination but damn. I felt bad that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough for him, since he was helping me reach my goals. I know I need to not give up on myself and when it hurts push through.
So the crumbling- fall of the diet and lack of pushing myself and the gym. Result- no pounds lost this week thus far. My goal is at least 1 ponds hopefully 2 by Saturday.
The bounce back- I will do this. I will lose 18 more this month. I will complete the 5k on Saturday. I will work to push myself harder in the gym and in my training sessions. I owe it to myself to go big on this and just get healthy once and for all.
Now Im off to watch the Olympics and hopefully sleep because this chick is spent.
Good night!
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