Cookies Go Big!

So tonight felt great! I don't normally train on Tuesdays but it was a nice change :)  Tonight the rain cleared by the time it was gym time. So we worked out outside! Below 80 degrees.... Ill take it!

I wasn't neverous and kept telling myself you can do this.  You have done this for the last 9 weeks keep going you got this.  Plus now Im addicted to Crossfit on Pintrest.  That extra motivation always helps :)

Well Brian had a simple one planned for tonight.  Not easy but simple.  Rowing and wall balls.  Thats it.  Five rounds. Ended up rowing around 1500 meters and did like 150 wall balls.  Yeah my thighs will hate me... oh well! Smaller thighs for me :)  Half-way through all I wanted was quit.  Then I thought to myself don't give up. Why are you putting up excuses... just bear down pull that damn bar and get that round of rowing done!!  Brian of course was there to support and encourage me!

In my slump Brian understood, didn't judge or get mad just pushed me through.  Tonight was a great workout.  I need to stay on track.  I really enjoy these workouts.  Whether its the idea of actually finishing them, knowing how much further I pushed myself... Im becoming a Crossfit junkie! lol.....

So Pintrest has been my extra motivation the last couple days to go back big with my training.  Here are some of my favorites! You can always follow me on Pintrest!

Cookies Checking In

So it has been awhile since I have blogged.  I got away fro it because I just have not been excited about my workouts, my diet, or really anything :(

But I'm back!  After working through somethings as well as refocusing I am back.  My workouts were tough, I wasn't feeling great during them and the excuses came out.  I can't do box jumps.  I want to I just don't have the confidence to jump that high... I keep feeling like I'm going to fall flat on my face.  I need to work on them with and without Brian. I need to build my confidence.

I went running yesterday.  I do an interval running program that I love.  I enjoy running outside rather than on the treadmill.  It makes me feel like I am actually accomplishing something. On the treadmill I get bored. It was so fun to just run  down Batesville road with the wind and the scenery. It's finally starting to cool off here where I don't have to run before 10 am.  We all know I love my sleep. That was a workout for me.  To run, feel accomplished, and clear my head.  I need to make sure I am doing this for me.  My motivation went away because I began to not care that I was doing this for me. 

I spent some time looking through Crossfit on Pintrest and just heatlh, fitness, and motivation itself.  Its a nive reminder.  Every day I do something, is better than nothing.  If I have a good workout, tomorrow's need to be better and then best! To me the pounds are important. I want to hit a goal weight number.  However, I drove myself nuts over the pounds and that's what began to deter me.  So my goal is fitness.  I want to be able to run further without wanting to stop.  I want to do box jumps and not fear falling on my face.  I want to get through my Crossfit workouts without feeling like im going to throw up.  I want to get through the tough ones and be like yes that was awesome! I dont want to feel OMG kill me.  The only way I will is to do this for me. To keep going and to keep pushing.

Health and wellness is not a destination but a lifestyle.  I have already changed y lifestyle so much to achieve this.  I have not smoked a cigarette since August 2nd.  I don't drink on a daily basis or even weekly. Before, it was pretty much daily.  I don't eat fast food, lots of starches or carbs, and no longer binge on food.  I eat with stability. Normal portion sizes. I eat lean protein, vegetables, some fruit, a few starches and stay away from sugar.

To continue- workout at 5 am tomorrow!  Tomorrow morning is cardio where tomorrow I will train with Brian.  We will see what workout he plans for me.  I will embrace it, be excited about it, know that it will NOT kill me and I CAN make it through.  If I remind myself the more I procrastinate the longer it lasts, I can push through and just get it done.  I have never felt so horrible after a workout I regretted it.  I have gone home after not working out and felt guilty for not going.

Favorite quote found on Pintrest today: "Because today is another chance to get it right"

Cookies Exhausted

Well I weighed in.  I gained two pounds.  I am beating myself up about it.  The excuses are as follows:
  - I quit smoking
  - I cheated on my diet
  - I slacked in my gym routines
  - Stress with work

Oh well.  I cant be perfect. I accepted my gain and realized its not worth it.  Its not worth it to cheat to lose progress going forward. That's stupid. Lol.  I don't want to have to resort to burpies! I hate them!

Monday I started back, harder than ever. I did a 5 am workout on Monday, and evening workout on Tuesday, another evening workout tonight and Im debating the next two days.  With all the other crap in my life, Im exhausted! I haven't slept in days and panic attacks are kicking in.

Im not going to let that stop me.  I had a panic attack tonight on the threadmill, well this new treadmill the gym bought.  But I just stopped got my breathing under control, paused and then started back.  I know this has been a whirlwind but I need to be able to handle anything thrown at me. Im working on these panic attacks.

I have stuck to my diet since it was given Monday night.  I have drank more protein than ever! In fact that is all I had today excpet 4 eggs this morning!  Oh another thing I learned.  Yoplait light, almond milk and protein- so good!  I can finally eat yogurt.  I have always hated the smell, the taste, and it just made me sick to think about it.  Well if you want to lose weight you have to eat for fit not for fun. I think I am finally moving past the whole notion of enjoying the flavor and a variety of foods.  For now, its just ok for the goal I am working towards and thats ok.  When I do hit my goal and return to a normal diet, those will be luxuries in moderation where I don't blow up to a blimp again.

Well, Im off to take some melatonin and hopefully sleep tonight.  On a sad note I will not be going to ABR Weekend this year :( Go Team Redmond! Its probably a good thing- a weekend full of drinking and eating is probably not what I need.  Oh those ribs... lol.... it is the rib cook off..  Oh well love my friends and family and will miss yall this year, but will definitely be there next year for year 13!

Cookies cooling off

Cookies Crumble Again

Well the one thing I have said from the beginning is that I was going to be completely honest.  Well, honestly, I suck.  Over the last 3-4 weeks I have failed.  I have dropped off my diet, have not stuck to my exercise plan 110%, and just let myself, my trainer and everyone else down, even if they don't know it.

Over the last couple weeks I have let other influences get in the way.  I know I need to do this for me and only I can do this.  I need to recommit myself 110% again.  I need to stick to the diet perfectly, and get my ass in the gym at least six days a week.  I need to increase my cardio sessions and push myself harder in training.  I have been lazy and getting frustrated and hiding it through eating.  Yes eating.

I always have vented through food.  Emotional eating.  Whether I was happy, frustrated, pissed or excited.  All of it relates to food.  I have always remembered overeating, eating when I was bored, and just eating.  I like eating.  But what I never let myself realize is that I cannot eat just to eat. I would hide food, or eat really fast so no one would find me eating it. That all needs to change.  I need to focus on eating for health and not eating to eat.  Food gives you energy to lose the weight. I cant continue like this.  My goal for this month was 18 pounds and now I have gained two.  That's why I havent been on here.  I was not excited to write or happy about what I should be writing. That's all changing.

I obviously have the will power to do this, as long as I keep myself focused.  I have completely changed my life in the last 9 weeks.  I have dramatically cut back on drinking, changed my entire diet (minus the recent cheating), started an intense workout routine, and quit smoking cold turkey.  I do give myself credit for all that has changed but I also hate myself for what I have done the last couple weeks to basically sabotage the success I have had.

I have researched emotional eating as well as focusing methods.  So from now on starting tomorrow morning, I will record everything.  I will record each time I eat, how much I eat, and how hungry I was before and after.  This way over time I can monitor how hungry I was compared to the amount of food I ate.  Overeating and not stopping when full is one of my biggest issues.  Shouldn't be a problem with portion control on my diet but I need to almost be obsessed I feel.  I need to keep myself more honest.  At least Ill be able to look back and see I did not over eat I did not cheat and here is the proof.

I will also be recording each workout, the length, and what occurred. My training I will not be sharing all the details as that's not fair to my trainer to just put it out there for all to see and use.  If I take the next 6-9 weeks to just focus on eating correctly and working out correctly, it will lead to the break of 200.  Again that is my first major goal and essentially my halfway point for me.

Well now that I have shared the crumbles, I am off to relax watch some tv and then get ready for my 5 am cardio workout tomorrow.

I hope no one stops reading because of my recent failure, however, no one is perfect and at least im honest about it.

Cookies Count 1-2-3 5-10-15

1. I ran my first 5k on Saturday!!! It was great! I didn't run nearly as long as I wanted to but I ran with Trish and just kept going! My biggest problem was breathing. I didn't know the right way to breathe and so I spent more time pacing my breathing than focusing on the run. That was a nice distraction. Just after passing Nile marker two, a woman near us said don't focus on how much further you have to go but shorter distances. One great and immensely helpful distance was tree to tree. As long as I kept focusing on the next tree I wasn't realizing now long I was running or the distance , just kept going. All the way to the finish where my sister was and took this wonderful picture!!!

(since I'm doing this on my phone don't know where the pic is going to show!!)

Afterwards I decided my shoes suck and went shopping with mom. We went over by the mall and found the Greenville Running Company. I know good running shoes makes all the difference! I got new shoes found them as soon as I pulled up, they had my size (which is rare with my big feet) and they were on sale! It was heaven and they feel like heaven when I'm running in them! Here they are!!

2. My second run was with my sister on Sunday. I know I already ran the 5k but not the best. So we are running the couch to 5k program to get better and I can build stamina to running. It was so much fun to just go running with my sister and for us to push each other through some friendly competition! We had a great run around the Riverside area and I felt great afterwards. I'm assuming she did too as she went running again today :)

3. Well three is how many meals I cheated with this weekend :( First up was the salad on Saturday night at Buffalo Wild Wings( yes it was a salad but buffalo chicken it was 647 calories.) Right now I have not been eating over 1200 calories a day. Sunday broke with a veggie omelette for breakfast at Southern Tymes with Steve and Kristy. I miss that place and it was such a great omelette! Finally was Sunday night at the Drive game. I knew it would happen and it did end up costing me. Weighed in today and gained a pound. It made me realize no matter how tasty the food I must follow the diet and my workouts to reach my goal. My motto has always been go big or go home and I'm not going to stop now!

5. Tomorrow will be five days since I have smoked a cigarette. I think I will always crave one and that feeling inside from smoking one. But if I'm changing my diet, quit drinking, and working out hardcore why would I continue to smoke and hinder my physical health. So I quit and gum has become my new obsession. I kinda feel my want to cigarettes is similar to that of food. I love the flavor of food and the taste of it just as a cigarette. But smoking a pack a day to satisfy that or over eat or eat pizza all the time because it tastes good is just as damaging. So I quit and will stay a non smoker. There was a huge difference tonight. My chest was not hurting and I could breathe!

10. Sits ups I did each round. Tonight was 5-10-15 and rowing. Oh yeah plus my 16 warm up between walking and running and 7 minutes of stretching. So 10. Ten butterfly sit ups each round. The rest of each round included push ups and squats. The hardest part as sit ups. If you have been reading my past entires at all you know I hate sit ups and just over 6-8 weeks ago I couldn't even do one on the floor. After adding it up I did over 135 full proper sit ups tonight. I was proud. I pushed I kept my drive going and did what I could to get through. I thought about the woman from the 5k. Granted I could not count trees because I was on the ground inside a gym, I could make my own goals through each ten. Like I am going to do three nonstop without grabbing my legs. Mini goals within the overall goal helped. Brian kept making fun of me because I kept asking what his goals for me and within what time frame. My awesome math skills allowed me to set smaller goals such as each round shouldn't take me more than 2 minutes or I should be rowing 250meters ever minute. Those mini goals help A LOT!

15. I may only be down 15 pounds ( because I gained) but I can tell physically I have completely changes. Smoking alone has been a huge feat. But within that 15 pounds I have strengthened my core, built up my back, legs and arms. I can push myself physically a lot harder than I could. I know it can't be all about the pounds and the pounds will come in time. I just need to think eat healthy, don't smoke and go big in the gym and the pounds will fall!


This was a long one but haven't blogged in awhile and had a lot to say! Well I must crash now because I'm getting up at 5 to workout before work so after I can play tennis. Hope you enjoyed the read!


Keep sweating:)

Cookies Crumble... Then Bounce Back

I know its been awhile since I have blogged but I must say this first.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, now that that is out, I can breathe again. So why the cookies crumble.  Last weekend fell off the diet a bit and cheated.  Felt really guilty and struggled with it for a bit. Then Monday came and I said enough is enough time to get my ass back in the gym and go for it. 18 pounds is my goal for August.

Monday was training with Brian and it was outside.  It was around 90 degrees outside. Some cheating has caused me headaches again and I don't think its from not eating because all I do is eat work and gym. I made it three rounds in to bear crawls and lunges before I couldn't breathe, chest hurt, and felt dizzy. I was pissed because I couldn't do it and gave up before I felt like I was going to faint.

Tuesday was cardio to get ready for this weekend.  Oh that's right, no one knows.  I am running my first ever 5k on Saturday for the fight against child abuse and sexual assault. I am doing it with my mom and I am really excited and trying to prep in under a week. 

Today the headache was back but I had my protein and my meals.  Going into tonight, Brian asked if I wanted to do the workout from Monday start to finish and I was determined to get through it no matter if it killed me.  Well I get there and he decides we are going to stay in because it was still 94 degrees outside and I am guessing he didn't think I was ready for it. I don't know if I was or could have made it through it but the next time he brings it up I will kill it no matter if I throw up afterwards or not.

So the reason for the ahhhhhh! I did my warm of up interval running and lots and lots of stretching.  Then I find out we are staying inside.  First thing first is we are doing three different things at 30 20 10 and then repeat 4 times.  The goal was 20 minutes. I can honestly tell you I did not make that goal.  34 minutes. :( Between the jumps, that stupid medicine ball that I feel has it out for me, and pushups I was huffing and puffing to get through.  One of the things I love about Brian is he knows how far to push me before cracking and now has developed a scare tactic to use against me.

Brian's scare tactic against me = burpies.  What I refer to as up down hell. I was struggling with form on the medicine ball and just trying to figure out how I should be positioned and doing what Brian seemed to demonstrate as easy.  I kept focusing on form.  I kept slipping. He started saying you mess this up- BURPIE. So he said he was going to start counting burpies in his head after I did three.  Luckily, by the end I did not have to do more.  The thought of doing those pushed me through.

One thing I didn't like that held me back was I was having trouble deep breathing and was sweating my ass off.  Now I know its from the smoking, but I am going to have to make the decision to finally quit sooner or later. I've tried many times before and failed or only succeeded for a few months. He had good reasoning saying your doing all this work to make yourself healthy and your going to continue to do that. You have to make the decision and soon so you can continue to push yourself further in your workouts.

It took extra motivation and him pushing me to get through it.  I have the determination but damn. I felt bad that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough for him, since he was helping me reach my goals. I know I need to not give up on myself and when it hurts push through.

So the crumbling- fall of the diet and lack of pushing myself and the gym. Result- no pounds lost this week thus far.  My goal is at least 1 ponds hopefully 2 by Saturday.

The bounce back- I will do this.  I will lose 18 more this month.  I will complete the 5k on Saturday.  I will work to push myself harder in the gym and in my training sessions.  I owe it to myself to go big on this and just get healthy once and for all.

Now Im off to watch the Olympics and hopefully sleep because this chick is spent.

Good night!

Oh Cookies, The Journey Goes On

Well its the start of another week.  Well it should have been yesterday, however, I ended up with heat exhaustion or a heat stroke from Sunday. To rewind, I ran errands all day Saturday, then laid by the pool with mom. After some nice R & R, I hit the gym.  I didnt want to go but I knew I would feel better after I went so I did.  Out of blue I felt like weighing myself. ANOTHER 3 POUNDS! YAY! I was so excited I put in an extra hard workout and felt great. After hanging out with family and friends I decided it was time for me to crash.

Sunday I got up and had my turkey bacon, green tea, and multi-grain waffle. Im really beginning to enjoy this breakfast I get once a week :)  I then hit the courts to play some tennis with a friend.  It felt great being out there and playing. I was sweating like crazy, which if you know me, I sweat .... all the time. After that it was time to hit the pool to cool off. Once thing I didn't realize was even though I wasn't sweating and enjoying the pool, I was not hydrating as much as I was sweating. I decided to leave family dinner early because I was tired.  I didn't get my Sunday nap, so nothing out of the ordinary.  That's until I got home and starting having hot and cold sweats on top of dry heaving and a massive headache.  Mom and Brian did some digging and voila- heat exhaustion.

Unfortunately I woke up Monday even worse. I couldn't even move. Luckily I was able to stay home, sleep, and hydrate all day. I slept more yesterday that I have in months. Which is really shocking, but damn did I need rest.

I head back to work today and hit it hard. The end of the month is coming and being out yesterday I had work to do. Slowly through the day I was feeling better and still riding out of the high of my three pounds. That was until I got to the gym. LOL Just kidding.

I was excited to work out again. Its finally showing all my hard work. Brian, my trainer, was so nice to fit me on Tuesday instead of Monday. Damn that sucked, and was intense. Between squats, sit-ups, push ups and ball drops I was DONE. Can't focus on the negatives because I wont go back.  So some positives. I made it through 4 minutes of squats, thighs burning like hell. Lol. Sit ups. Now if you follow my blog you will remember my rant a couple weeks ago about not being able to do situps and it was something I was pissed about.  Yeah that's right, made it through 4 minutes of sit ups!  I was excited to see that improvement, even though my abs pretty much hate me right now.  Push ups I made it through and then finally the ball drops. That ball got so heavy over the 4 minutes I wanted to cry. I did it. I made it through.

One thing I can always count on is having a unique workout each time I go.  The other aspect that I love is that I am constantly working out all parts of my body, regardless of the fact that I can barely move them now.

Oh well, no pain no gain or in my case no loss. Time to cook some dinner, shower, and hang out with Pax until I fall asleep which I predict is not far in my future.

Thanks for reading and coming along this journey with me.

Oh yeah- weight update. I am at 218.  In January I was 239 and Saturday I was 218.  I have lost 15 pounds since I started this blog in June and have been working with Brian. 65 pounds total to go.  However there is one more exciting thing in the 218. I am 18 pounds from breaking 200. I have not weighed below 200 pounds since the 5th grade. 18 more pounds until my first big hurdle... I cannot wait!!!!