Cookies Worst Start Yet

Well it's been awhile since I have written anything. So here's a little recap.

After my father had a triple bypass and I learned of all the heart disease in my family, I realized I need to stop joking around and being lazy. In January of this year I got back in the gym. I was there five days and then had a business trip to New Orleans. I came back late Sunday and headed to work Monday and slept off my exhaustion. Tuesday I woke up and ended up being the worst day of my year. We lost Brandon that day and my hearts breaks that he is not with us anymore. 

Since then, I have given up my apartment and moved in with my sister and Mackenzie. I love this time with them and being able to see that little girl smile and reach for me when I come home is more rewarding than I could have ever thought. 

So I need to get healthy and was trying to figure out a new schedule. Well I got the call, literally, to get my ass back in the gym. I met with Brian went through a refresher and signed back up for crossfit classes. I was excited and scared but ready to do this. 

My first work out sucked and I couldn't breathe or move following it. But it felt good to finally be back at it. I have been going for over a week.

 Sunday night we got a call and my cousin passed. Damn this year sucks. I would give anything to have those two back in my life. I haven't gotten over Brandon let alone process Matthew. Two young men taken too soon. If it wasn't for my faith and my family I would be a wreck. I decided after not going to the gym Monday and Tuesday I was going tonight. Tonight I stretched before the workout. I was concerned and scared to do the calorie rowing tonight. I started the WOD and got the fear out of my head. I just said to myself this will suck, you will get through and think how proud of yourself you will be to finish! 

WRONG!

My trusty old back was done. I did the warm up and the 3 rounds of lunges and push ups. We then moved into front squats and I was feeling great and positive. Next step- calorie rowing and alternating ball slams. At the end of the first 50 calorie row my back went out. I kept going after a was able to breathe, until I reached 50 calories. I tried to stand for the ball slams and couldn't. Dead in the water with screaming pain in my back and down my legs. I stretched for 15 minutes and headed home. Defeated. I couldn't finish the workout and could barely walk. 

I got home and took a long show in hopes of loosening my back. It only slightly worked. I'm off to bed in hopes of no pain tomorrow when I wake. Fat chance.

I am pissed at myself. If I kept the weight off instead of giving up I could have push myself harder. 

But I'm not stopping, just rowing. I'm going to get my back stronger. I need to focus on strengthening my back and working on my form. I'm going to start my couch to 5k program again to make sure I'm getting cardio. 

This year is off to a rough start but between all the heart aches and health scares, I need to get healthy for myself.

So here we go again 

Cookies back on marbles

Hey everyone!!!

Im pretty sure no one follows this but for me this is accountability. Keeping myself honest and keeping myself going.  It will take awhile and I will hate myself some days and be on cloud nine others. The goal is to stay focused, to keep my ass in the gym, and eating right.

Staying focused..... EASIER SAID THEN DONE!
I need to get into my routine and stick to it.  I was bailing out when I wasn't leaving the office till later.  No matter what time I leave the office I will head to the gym.  My plan is to work out Sunday through Thursday, and possibly Saturday's. Since the weather is warming up, I want to start running outside, or Intervals. My right ankle has been killing me on the treadmill.  Goal is to get outside and walk/run daily. Even if I run laps around the gym outside or running down Pelham before the rest of my workout. Running makes me feel good- I enjoy it and it will push me to finally quit smoking. I want to run marathons and 5ks, 10ks, and more Mud Runs! I had some much fun but want to be able to pull myself over a wall or haul my body over planks of wood.

ASS IN THE GYM!
I will be in the gym. I have to. Weight is not going to fall off of me.  The best and worst part about it is when I feel like throwing up, passing out, or running away, the after effect is what I love. I love feeling exhausted, drained, soaking wet, and feeling good about myself.

EATING RIGHT!
NO PROCESSED FOOD!  I have thrown out everything in my fridge, and restocked.  I now have all lean meat, no red meat, fish, veggies, veggies, veggies, almond milk, protein, and some fruits. Oh yeah YOGURT- The death of me.  I have found a way to consume it with protein and almond milk. I am eating breakfast everyday, 1 cup of coffee. 2 protein shakes a day with a mid-morning snack, small lunch, afternoon snack, followed up with dinner. Since I get home from the gym so late and don't want all that food in my system before bed- I am having a few almonds or just water and protein.

My meals today were:
Coffee, 2 cuties, 1 protein shake with almond milk, romaine lettuce salad just basic, an apple, protein and yogurt with a little bit of almond milk, followed up with Turkey filets and 1 cup of steamed veggies.

My workout tonight:
15 minutes running intervals. However, my ankle was killing me and I stopped. It was supposed to be 20 minutes. That's why I am returning to running outside. It was then followed up by:

100 jumping jacks
100 kettle bell swings
100 thrusters
100 squats
3-20 second wallsits

I was so excited to work out with Chris and Andrea from work tonight.  I know we are all at different levels but feeding off each other, pushing harder, and getting through it was the best feeling.

If anyone knows anything about food- PLEASE TELL ME IF IM DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

Now the bad news. I weighed in. 232. :(((((  My original starting weight a year ago was 238. So I gained all but 6 pounds back.  Its so depressing. My first thought was forget it Im done. But then I thought, you have lost weight in the past. You just need to stick to it.  So I have recalculated the marbles to have a 72 pounds weight loss goal to put me at 160. Im hoping to do this in a years time. I will be weighing in bi-weekly so I dont get too down on myself or so excited that I slip.  

So hopefully lots of marbles will be moved!

Until next time :)

Cookies are back!

Hey guys,

Lets just say its been awhile. My slack ass fell off the bandwagon. I stopped going to the gym I stopped eating right started smoking and just have up on all the hardwork I did. Now I feel like crap, slightly depressed, and just sick o it. Now I have a niece on the way and now more than ever I need to grow up and take care of myself. Anytime I am unhappy with my life I eat. I eat, and I eat some more. Food has always been a way out for me and who knows what my weight has gone to now. Well I will find out soon enough as tomorrow I am weighing in!

I am going to do this. No one but myself can make this happen. I just need to stick to it and stay motivated. Here is my game plan:

Diet: vegetables, proteins, protein shakes, breakfast lunch and dinner home poked everyday. Clean eating for clean living. This will give me variety with food but healthy options for every meal.

Workouts: 30 minutes of cardio a day, I will run. I want to run. If I run I will quit smoking. I want to do 5ks and 10ks and mud runs. I can I just have to get into shape.

I will continue to do strength and endurance training. Squats, planks, pull ups, push ups, everything. If I am goin to be climbing over walls in a mud run I need to be able to lift myself.

I feel so stupid for stopping and giving up the last couple months. My goal is the gym 6 days a week and home cooked meals everyday. One splurge meal a week. I'm not perfect and pretty sure not the only one to fail on weight loss. Except I haven't failed because I'm not giving u!

So read along if you would like to see how this goes!

Cookies are back!

Cookies are back!

So much to catch up on- still overweight! Surprise! Well I am currently at 229, with losing a pound in the last week. So let's catch up.

October I was still going strong and went to Vegas for work.  Started smoking again that time in Vegas. When I got back I threw out my back again and went dark for about 2 months. I completely fell off my wellness wagon.  I started smoking, the diet went out of the window in seconds, and I stopped going to the gym since my back was killing me. So I gave up. I essentially didn't care. With that, I started feeling down on myself again, depression like state came over me. I was working longer hours because I didn't want to be home alone. Sad face - but I did it to myself!

So I entered the gym with pushing from my family. I hated it. I was ready for Brian to yell at me and tell me I quit and slacked. Well yeah, office gym door closed but no yelling. Just telling me to quit slacking and come back hard. So we started with a light workout and I was pissed. All the self doubt, aggression, and wanting to quit sunk in.  When I think like that I fail myself everytime.  I still do.  I have been trying to say only 10 more seconds or you can do this you can do this to keep me going.

I started training again, and Tina has joined me! I love having someone to work out with. We push each other and my competitiveness kicks in.

So dieting.  I was doing the diet from the trainer and I burnt myself out and started hating everything about eating.  So my mom and I decided to do weight watchers together. To push each other and hold each other accountable. We have a weigh in every Sunday on family fun day! This week I am down a pound.  I know I am not going to put up weekly weight loss numbers like the biggest loser. If I didnt have to work and live my live, I could work out all the time but that is not realistic.  All health materials say 1-2 pound weight loss each week is sustainable and the best way to lose weight and keep it off.

So here we go again! Follow me on this journey! Updates to come! This year I vowed to be the year of change for the better. More surprises to come!

Cookies Update the Photos

Cookies Get Muddy!

So here we go!  Frid night I get a call asking me to join a mud run team for Saturday morning.  I have been thinking about it and then with help from my trainer Brian and others around me I decided to do it.  I was nervous.  I had never done one before or even know what was involved. So therefore, I didnt want to be the big fat fatty that couldn't do it.  I got over that.  I figured I have dropped weight, inches, training regularly, and just an overhaul improved health and well-being.  I figured they knew what I look like they know I am working to lose weight and better myself.

It was AMAZING.  I had so much fun.  Of course there were obstacles I couldn't physcially get myself over and others that terrifed me to death with heights.  I supported my team and helped them and we all worked together.  It was a blast.  I want to do it again in the Spring and hopefully get through more than I did this time! It was so great as you were finishing the last couple obstacles in the main area, people are cheering you on to finish!

 

 

 

So here we are all nice and clean before the race.  Our team was the birds, since we are not from South Carolina, we flew in! lol... 

 

There are tons of photos on my Facebook from the whole event.  I am bruised from my arms to my toes. I think I broke my big toe.  I didn't care though.  It was the best experience and I cant wait to do it again :) 

 

Today was back at it.  I didn't workout last night and felt guilty.  I iced my foot instead.  Today I did thrusters. Lots and lots of thrusters!  Im back in my routine and the Mud Run only energized me to do more and push through!

 

Things are going great for me in every aspect.  Tomrrow October 3rd, will be two months no smoking.  The last time I smoked a cigarette was two months ago today.  I cant believe how much I have improved my health and really put myself first.

 

 

Minus the goofy ass smile on my face, but my reward continues to be my success.  For the first time in my life I am wearing a medium size t-shirt. It's not really about the pounds, its about the fitness, and I am really starting to see that.  The goal is wellness and fitness not a number.

 

Pintrest Crossfit Quote of the Blog:

 



Cookies Go Big!

So tonight felt great! I don't normally train on Tuesdays but it was a nice change :)  Tonight the rain cleared by the time it was gym time. So we worked out outside! Below 80 degrees.... Ill take it!

I wasn't neverous and kept telling myself you can do this.  You have done this for the last 9 weeks keep going you got this.  Plus now Im addicted to Crossfit on Pintrest.  That extra motivation always helps :)

Well Brian had a simple one planned for tonight.  Not easy but simple.  Rowing and wall balls.  Thats it.  Five rounds. Ended up rowing around 1500 meters and did like 150 wall balls.  Yeah my thighs will hate me... oh well! Smaller thighs for me :)  Half-way through all I wanted was quit.  Then I thought to myself don't give up. Why are you putting up excuses... just bear down pull that damn bar and get that round of rowing done!!  Brian of course was there to support and encourage me!

In my slump Brian understood, didn't judge or get mad just pushed me through.  Tonight was a great workout.  I need to stay on track.  I really enjoy these workouts.  Whether its the idea of actually finishing them, knowing how much further I pushed myself... Im becoming a Crossfit junkie! lol.....

So Pintrest has been my extra motivation the last couple days to go back big with my training.  Here are some of my favorites! You can always follow me on Pintrest!

Cookies Checking In

So it has been awhile since I have blogged.  I got away fro it because I just have not been excited about my workouts, my diet, or really anything :(

But I'm back!  After working through somethings as well as refocusing I am back.  My workouts were tough, I wasn't feeling great during them and the excuses came out.  I can't do box jumps.  I want to I just don't have the confidence to jump that high... I keep feeling like I'm going to fall flat on my face.  I need to work on them with and without Brian. I need to build my confidence.

I went running yesterday.  I do an interval running program that I love.  I enjoy running outside rather than on the treadmill.  It makes me feel like I am actually accomplishing something. On the treadmill I get bored. It was so fun to just run  down Batesville road with the wind and the scenery. It's finally starting to cool off here where I don't have to run before 10 am.  We all know I love my sleep. That was a workout for me.  To run, feel accomplished, and clear my head.  I need to make sure I am doing this for me.  My motivation went away because I began to not care that I was doing this for me. 

I spent some time looking through Crossfit on Pintrest and just heatlh, fitness, and motivation itself.  Its a nive reminder.  Every day I do something, is better than nothing.  If I have a good workout, tomorrow's need to be better and then best! To me the pounds are important. I want to hit a goal weight number.  However, I drove myself nuts over the pounds and that's what began to deter me.  So my goal is fitness.  I want to be able to run further without wanting to stop.  I want to do box jumps and not fear falling on my face.  I want to get through my Crossfit workouts without feeling like im going to throw up.  I want to get through the tough ones and be like yes that was awesome! I dont want to feel OMG kill me.  The only way I will is to do this for me. To keep going and to keep pushing.

Health and wellness is not a destination but a lifestyle.  I have already changed y lifestyle so much to achieve this.  I have not smoked a cigarette since August 2nd.  I don't drink on a daily basis or even weekly. Before, it was pretty much daily.  I don't eat fast food, lots of starches or carbs, and no longer binge on food.  I eat with stability. Normal portion sizes. I eat lean protein, vegetables, some fruit, a few starches and stay away from sugar.

To continue- workout at 5 am tomorrow!  Tomorrow morning is cardio where tomorrow I will train with Brian.  We will see what workout he plans for me.  I will embrace it, be excited about it, know that it will NOT kill me and I CAN make it through.  If I remind myself the more I procrastinate the longer it lasts, I can push through and just get it done.  I have never felt so horrible after a workout I regretted it.  I have gone home after not working out and felt guilty for not going.

Favorite quote found on Pintrest today: "Because today is another chance to get it right"

Cookies Exhausted

Well I weighed in.  I gained two pounds.  I am beating myself up about it.  The excuses are as follows:
  - I quit smoking
  - I cheated on my diet
  - I slacked in my gym routines
  - Stress with work

Oh well.  I cant be perfect. I accepted my gain and realized its not worth it.  Its not worth it to cheat to lose progress going forward. That's stupid. Lol.  I don't want to have to resort to burpies! I hate them!

Monday I started back, harder than ever. I did a 5 am workout on Monday, and evening workout on Tuesday, another evening workout tonight and Im debating the next two days.  With all the other crap in my life, Im exhausted! I haven't slept in days and panic attacks are kicking in.

Im not going to let that stop me.  I had a panic attack tonight on the threadmill, well this new treadmill the gym bought.  But I just stopped got my breathing under control, paused and then started back.  I know this has been a whirlwind but I need to be able to handle anything thrown at me. Im working on these panic attacks.

I have stuck to my diet since it was given Monday night.  I have drank more protein than ever! In fact that is all I had today excpet 4 eggs this morning!  Oh another thing I learned.  Yoplait light, almond milk and protein- so good!  I can finally eat yogurt.  I have always hated the smell, the taste, and it just made me sick to think about it.  Well if you want to lose weight you have to eat for fit not for fun. I think I am finally moving past the whole notion of enjoying the flavor and a variety of foods.  For now, its just ok for the goal I am working towards and thats ok.  When I do hit my goal and return to a normal diet, those will be luxuries in moderation where I don't blow up to a blimp again.

Well, Im off to take some melatonin and hopefully sleep tonight.  On a sad note I will not be going to ABR Weekend this year :( Go Team Redmond! Its probably a good thing- a weekend full of drinking and eating is probably not what I need.  Oh those ribs... lol.... it is the rib cook off..  Oh well love my friends and family and will miss yall this year, but will definitely be there next year for year 13!

Cookies cooling off

Cookies Crumble Again

Well the one thing I have said from the beginning is that I was going to be completely honest.  Well, honestly, I suck.  Over the last 3-4 weeks I have failed.  I have dropped off my diet, have not stuck to my exercise plan 110%, and just let myself, my trainer and everyone else down, even if they don't know it.

Over the last couple weeks I have let other influences get in the way.  I know I need to do this for me and only I can do this.  I need to recommit myself 110% again.  I need to stick to the diet perfectly, and get my ass in the gym at least six days a week.  I need to increase my cardio sessions and push myself harder in training.  I have been lazy and getting frustrated and hiding it through eating.  Yes eating.

I always have vented through food.  Emotional eating.  Whether I was happy, frustrated, pissed or excited.  All of it relates to food.  I have always remembered overeating, eating when I was bored, and just eating.  I like eating.  But what I never let myself realize is that I cannot eat just to eat. I would hide food, or eat really fast so no one would find me eating it. That all needs to change.  I need to focus on eating for health and not eating to eat.  Food gives you energy to lose the weight. I cant continue like this.  My goal for this month was 18 pounds and now I have gained two.  That's why I havent been on here.  I was not excited to write or happy about what I should be writing. That's all changing.

I obviously have the will power to do this, as long as I keep myself focused.  I have completely changed my life in the last 9 weeks.  I have dramatically cut back on drinking, changed my entire diet (minus the recent cheating), started an intense workout routine, and quit smoking cold turkey.  I do give myself credit for all that has changed but I also hate myself for what I have done the last couple weeks to basically sabotage the success I have had.

I have researched emotional eating as well as focusing methods.  So from now on starting tomorrow morning, I will record everything.  I will record each time I eat, how much I eat, and how hungry I was before and after.  This way over time I can monitor how hungry I was compared to the amount of food I ate.  Overeating and not stopping when full is one of my biggest issues.  Shouldn't be a problem with portion control on my diet but I need to almost be obsessed I feel.  I need to keep myself more honest.  At least Ill be able to look back and see I did not over eat I did not cheat and here is the proof.

I will also be recording each workout, the length, and what occurred. My training I will not be sharing all the details as that's not fair to my trainer to just put it out there for all to see and use.  If I take the next 6-9 weeks to just focus on eating correctly and working out correctly, it will lead to the break of 200.  Again that is my first major goal and essentially my halfway point for me.

Well now that I have shared the crumbles, I am off to relax watch some tv and then get ready for my 5 am cardio workout tomorrow.

I hope no one stops reading because of my recent failure, however, no one is perfect and at least im honest about it.

Cookies Count 1-2-3 5-10-15

1. I ran my first 5k on Saturday!!! It was great! I didn't run nearly as long as I wanted to but I ran with Trish and just kept going! My biggest problem was breathing. I didn't know the right way to breathe and so I spent more time pacing my breathing than focusing on the run. That was a nice distraction. Just after passing Nile marker two, a woman near us said don't focus on how much further you have to go but shorter distances. One great and immensely helpful distance was tree to tree. As long as I kept focusing on the next tree I wasn't realizing now long I was running or the distance , just kept going. All the way to the finish where my sister was and took this wonderful picture!!!

(since I'm doing this on my phone don't know where the pic is going to show!!)

Afterwards I decided my shoes suck and went shopping with mom. We went over by the mall and found the Greenville Running Company. I know good running shoes makes all the difference! I got new shoes found them as soon as I pulled up, they had my size (which is rare with my big feet) and they were on sale! It was heaven and they feel like heaven when I'm running in them! Here they are!!

2. My second run was with my sister on Sunday. I know I already ran the 5k but not the best. So we are running the couch to 5k program to get better and I can build stamina to running. It was so much fun to just go running with my sister and for us to push each other through some friendly competition! We had a great run around the Riverside area and I felt great afterwards. I'm assuming she did too as she went running again today :)

3. Well three is how many meals I cheated with this weekend :( First up was the salad on Saturday night at Buffalo Wild Wings( yes it was a salad but buffalo chicken it was 647 calories.) Right now I have not been eating over 1200 calories a day. Sunday broke with a veggie omelette for breakfast at Southern Tymes with Steve and Kristy. I miss that place and it was such a great omelette! Finally was Sunday night at the Drive game. I knew it would happen and it did end up costing me. Weighed in today and gained a pound. It made me realize no matter how tasty the food I must follow the diet and my workouts to reach my goal. My motto has always been go big or go home and I'm not going to stop now!

5. Tomorrow will be five days since I have smoked a cigarette. I think I will always crave one and that feeling inside from smoking one. But if I'm changing my diet, quit drinking, and working out hardcore why would I continue to smoke and hinder my physical health. So I quit and gum has become my new obsession. I kinda feel my want to cigarettes is similar to that of food. I love the flavor of food and the taste of it just as a cigarette. But smoking a pack a day to satisfy that or over eat or eat pizza all the time because it tastes good is just as damaging. So I quit and will stay a non smoker. There was a huge difference tonight. My chest was not hurting and I could breathe!

10. Sits ups I did each round. Tonight was 5-10-15 and rowing. Oh yeah plus my 16 warm up between walking and running and 7 minutes of stretching. So 10. Ten butterfly sit ups each round. The rest of each round included push ups and squats. The hardest part as sit ups. If you have been reading my past entires at all you know I hate sit ups and just over 6-8 weeks ago I couldn't even do one on the floor. After adding it up I did over 135 full proper sit ups tonight. I was proud. I pushed I kept my drive going and did what I could to get through. I thought about the woman from the 5k. Granted I could not count trees because I was on the ground inside a gym, I could make my own goals through each ten. Like I am going to do three nonstop without grabbing my legs. Mini goals within the overall goal helped. Brian kept making fun of me because I kept asking what his goals for me and within what time frame. My awesome math skills allowed me to set smaller goals such as each round shouldn't take me more than 2 minutes or I should be rowing 250meters ever minute. Those mini goals help A LOT!

15. I may only be down 15 pounds ( because I gained) but I can tell physically I have completely changes. Smoking alone has been a huge feat. But within that 15 pounds I have strengthened my core, built up my back, legs and arms. I can push myself physically a lot harder than I could. I know it can't be all about the pounds and the pounds will come in time. I just need to think eat healthy, don't smoke and go big in the gym and the pounds will fall!


This was a long one but haven't blogged in awhile and had a lot to say! Well I must crash now because I'm getting up at 5 to workout before work so after I can play tennis. Hope you enjoyed the read!


Keep sweating:)

Cookies Crumble... Then Bounce Back

I know its been awhile since I have blogged but I must say this first.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, now that that is out, I can breathe again. So why the cookies crumble.  Last weekend fell off the diet a bit and cheated.  Felt really guilty and struggled with it for a bit. Then Monday came and I said enough is enough time to get my ass back in the gym and go for it. 18 pounds is my goal for August.

Monday was training with Brian and it was outside.  It was around 90 degrees outside. Some cheating has caused me headaches again and I don't think its from not eating because all I do is eat work and gym. I made it three rounds in to bear crawls and lunges before I couldn't breathe, chest hurt, and felt dizzy. I was pissed because I couldn't do it and gave up before I felt like I was going to faint.

Tuesday was cardio to get ready for this weekend.  Oh that's right, no one knows.  I am running my first ever 5k on Saturday for the fight against child abuse and sexual assault. I am doing it with my mom and I am really excited and trying to prep in under a week. 

Today the headache was back but I had my protein and my meals.  Going into tonight, Brian asked if I wanted to do the workout from Monday start to finish and I was determined to get through it no matter if it killed me.  Well I get there and he decides we are going to stay in because it was still 94 degrees outside and I am guessing he didn't think I was ready for it. I don't know if I was or could have made it through it but the next time he brings it up I will kill it no matter if I throw up afterwards or not.

So the reason for the ahhhhhh! I did my warm of up interval running and lots and lots of stretching.  Then I find out we are staying inside.  First thing first is we are doing three different things at 30 20 10 and then repeat 4 times.  The goal was 20 minutes. I can honestly tell you I did not make that goal.  34 minutes. :( Between the jumps, that stupid medicine ball that I feel has it out for me, and pushups I was huffing and puffing to get through.  One of the things I love about Brian is he knows how far to push me before cracking and now has developed a scare tactic to use against me.

Brian's scare tactic against me = burpies.  What I refer to as up down hell. I was struggling with form on the medicine ball and just trying to figure out how I should be positioned and doing what Brian seemed to demonstrate as easy.  I kept focusing on form.  I kept slipping. He started saying you mess this up- BURPIE. So he said he was going to start counting burpies in his head after I did three.  Luckily, by the end I did not have to do more.  The thought of doing those pushed me through.

One thing I didn't like that held me back was I was having trouble deep breathing and was sweating my ass off.  Now I know its from the smoking, but I am going to have to make the decision to finally quit sooner or later. I've tried many times before and failed or only succeeded for a few months. He had good reasoning saying your doing all this work to make yourself healthy and your going to continue to do that. You have to make the decision and soon so you can continue to push yourself further in your workouts.

It took extra motivation and him pushing me to get through it.  I have the determination but damn. I felt bad that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough for him, since he was helping me reach my goals. I know I need to not give up on myself and when it hurts push through.

So the crumbling- fall of the diet and lack of pushing myself and the gym. Result- no pounds lost this week thus far.  My goal is at least 1 ponds hopefully 2 by Saturday.

The bounce back- I will do this.  I will lose 18 more this month.  I will complete the 5k on Saturday.  I will work to push myself harder in the gym and in my training sessions.  I owe it to myself to go big on this and just get healthy once and for all.

Now Im off to watch the Olympics and hopefully sleep because this chick is spent.

Good night!

Oh Cookies, The Journey Goes On

Well its the start of another week.  Well it should have been yesterday, however, I ended up with heat exhaustion or a heat stroke from Sunday. To rewind, I ran errands all day Saturday, then laid by the pool with mom. After some nice R & R, I hit the gym.  I didnt want to go but I knew I would feel better after I went so I did.  Out of blue I felt like weighing myself. ANOTHER 3 POUNDS! YAY! I was so excited I put in an extra hard workout and felt great. After hanging out with family and friends I decided it was time for me to crash.

Sunday I got up and had my turkey bacon, green tea, and multi-grain waffle. Im really beginning to enjoy this breakfast I get once a week :)  I then hit the courts to play some tennis with a friend.  It felt great being out there and playing. I was sweating like crazy, which if you know me, I sweat .... all the time. After that it was time to hit the pool to cool off. Once thing I didn't realize was even though I wasn't sweating and enjoying the pool, I was not hydrating as much as I was sweating. I decided to leave family dinner early because I was tired.  I didn't get my Sunday nap, so nothing out of the ordinary.  That's until I got home and starting having hot and cold sweats on top of dry heaving and a massive headache.  Mom and Brian did some digging and voila- heat exhaustion.

Unfortunately I woke up Monday even worse. I couldn't even move. Luckily I was able to stay home, sleep, and hydrate all day. I slept more yesterday that I have in months. Which is really shocking, but damn did I need rest.

I head back to work today and hit it hard. The end of the month is coming and being out yesterday I had work to do. Slowly through the day I was feeling better and still riding out of the high of my three pounds. That was until I got to the gym. LOL Just kidding.

I was excited to work out again. Its finally showing all my hard work. Brian, my trainer, was so nice to fit me on Tuesday instead of Monday. Damn that sucked, and was intense. Between squats, sit-ups, push ups and ball drops I was DONE. Can't focus on the negatives because I wont go back.  So some positives. I made it through 4 minutes of squats, thighs burning like hell. Lol. Sit ups. Now if you follow my blog you will remember my rant a couple weeks ago about not being able to do situps and it was something I was pissed about.  Yeah that's right, made it through 4 minutes of sit ups!  I was excited to see that improvement, even though my abs pretty much hate me right now.  Push ups I made it through and then finally the ball drops. That ball got so heavy over the 4 minutes I wanted to cry. I did it. I made it through.

One thing I can always count on is having a unique workout each time I go.  The other aspect that I love is that I am constantly working out all parts of my body, regardless of the fact that I can barely move them now.

Oh well, no pain no gain or in my case no loss. Time to cook some dinner, shower, and hang out with Pax until I fall asleep which I predict is not far in my future.

Thanks for reading and coming along this journey with me.

Oh yeah- weight update. I am at 218.  In January I was 239 and Saturday I was 218.  I have lost 15 pounds since I started this blog in June and have been working with Brian. 65 pounds total to go.  However there is one more exciting thing in the 218. I am 18 pounds from breaking 200. I have not weighed below 200 pounds since the 5th grade. 18 more pounds until my first big hurdle... I cannot wait!!!!

Cookies Finally Seeing Cookies

So an update. I have been going through some things personally that have been overlapping into aspects of my life I love. I don't want to go into details but I need to remember I live my life everyday for myself, my family, and my friends. Your no better off than the ones that support you the most. Just a slump I need to push through for my own well being.

I made a decision about 5 weeks ago to change my life, for me, for the better. I love and support those around me but I'm not doing this for them or for anyone. Its my daily decision to work hard and then take me time to work on myself. Not only have I made a diet change or a workout change. I have made a lifestyle change to better myself. For the last 5 or so weeks I have been happy. I am working out, getting healthy, and really embracing life. I can't focus on one negative because I feel like I'm cheating myself out of living for today.

Tonight was training and wasn't that motivated but it was routine to change after work and head to the gym. One thing I will take away from tonight is focusing on this fact that I want to succeed and those helping and supporting me want me to succeed. Thank god I wasn't climbing a rope or walking around with a 50 pound sand bag but tonight's workout was focused on key areas and paying attention to form, reps and the overall well being of each exercise.

Through all this I was able to stare in the mirror ( the awful mirrors I hate to stare in) but saw a reflection different than I have before. I saw myself determined to do well and push myself harder while focusing on form and doing it right each time. In the mirror I always saw an overweight person looking to attempt to do something. Today I saw me as I am happy to be in perfect form and focusing on my weaknesses. I have been working on squat form the ensure weight on my heels and my back curved correctly and my neck in the right position. When Brian told me my form was excellent and he's really seeing my improvement and excited to see the progress I have made, really lit something inside of me.

No longer am I looking in the mirror ashamed of what I see or thinking about what I will see, but seeing me. If I don't see myself as I am how do I expect anyone else to. You can't live life looking in the past or always what could be. This is who I am and loving it.

Kinda sappy and short blog tonight but I just thought I would share. Hope you enjoy! To those who have commented or text me or facebpoked me I really appreciate your support. It's really touching to see how me finally focusing on me has inspired others to do the same in their own life.

Happy blogging!

Cookies Are A Changing!

So today was a good day. Got up and me and Tina went to the gym. It's nice to have someone to go with and lee each other motivated. Our intent was to go to ABC (abs butt and core) however it was cancelled. We were told we could stay in the room to do a workout ourselves.

So after so much training with Brian and taking the class a lot we came up with a routine of exercises to do. It was great! It was so nice to be able to use all the equipment and just have fun! We ended up working out just short of an hour and both of us were pouring sweat by the end of it.

There were two great things that happened today. The first one and the big one.. I weighed in before Brian or Tina got there. I was nervous, I want to see the pounds come off but I'm trying to focus more on my overall wellness and fitness. I want to see myself push forward and be able to do things I couldn't do before and to be able to do them longer. Well I have lost four pounds!!! I'm so excited. Not only for the loss but I was able to hold full plank for 1 minute straight and I have always either dropped to my knees or took a break. It was great! The next goal for full plank is two minutes. That's what I'm talking about. Being able to push myself physically and just have a healthier lifestyle and improve my overall wellness.

I know each week I'm not going to lose that and plus I haven't weighed since before New York. I am on pace to losing just under 2 pounds a week. For me that's great. That's sustainable and the healthy way to lose without it coming back.

The other success point today is I am finally comfortable in shorts, in public. If you know me at all I never wear shorts and never have. I have always felt uncomfortable and would rather sweat my butt off than show my thighs. Today I wore shorts to the gym and to the grocery store after and felt great! It's the changes I am seeing in my body that is making me more excited than the pounds lost! Even though they go together :)

Well another good day, another good tale, and another good accomplishment! Moving forward with the new diet and the ever changing new me:)


Happy cookies !!!

Oh My Cookies!

Hey guys!!! I know it's been awhile since I have blogged. So sorry between work and traveling I have been a mess! I'm so glad to be home and back in my routine :)

After being on the road it was hard to keep to the diet and work outs. I did go kayaking with a good friend in Cleveland which was a great workout and great time! Cleveland was a good trip. Ended up learning more about myself and that place is no longer home. It's sad but good. I have finally made south Carolina and Greenville my home.

So the oh my cookies! I came back hit the ground running Monday with a night of training. Tina was there to workout with me and Brian! She did great, I was pouring sweat and she was right there pushing through and supporting me!

So the new diet started today. I was so excited to have string cheese! Finally no more dried tuna. Lots o chicken and protein here I come!!! I challenged myself on a whole new level tonight.

Everything Brian buys a new toy for the gym I secretly think how he can't torture me while working out. Tonight- 50 pound sand bag with handles. I knew I should have taken Matt's advice and run! So five minutes in and I'm pouring sweat! I was difficult but I pushed through. The last segment on the treadmill carrying this thing made me want to fall over. I made the stupid mistake of saying I'd rather do plank. So instead of jumping jacks or whatever he was thinking I did plank!

Ahhhh!!! Well the good news :) I lasted longer in full plank than I have before even half way through the workout! It was great. I'm really starting to see my strength and endurance increase even though I have not weighed in in at least three weeks. It's no longer just about to pounds but endurance, strength and long term health.

Super excited to push myself further:$ tomorrow is treadmill and running! Wish me luck bloggers because right now I'm exhausted and have to make chicken for lunch tomorrow!


Happy workouts = happy people!!!

Cookies in pain

Hello everyone! I know it's been awhile since I have posted. Between work, working out and traveling I'm exhausted. I have 8 days in between trips so I decided I was going to workout everyday. I've been training doin Zumba and of course the treadmill.

Things are going well. Really sick of the diet and did splurge on the new York trip. So I came back and hit it hard again. Monday was legs therefore putting my thighs into a forever hatred of the rest of my body. I made it through and was pretty pumped up after it. Well until I woke up. Lol! I know pain means I'm alive but it makes it harder to go back

I did though. Today was another round of training. Schedule was to be rowing and well I don't know the specific exercise name it was a bar lifting straight up. I made it half way through and blew out my ankle. It has been bothering me for a bit and now it's getting swollen. I felt like I deserted my workout. I was getting it done, exhausting but fighting through it. Brian had me do the treadmill to slow down and try to walk it out.

So that's where the pain is. Now I sit on the couch with ice and a wrap. Tomorrow might not be a gym day but my hopes and high and hitting it hard as I can everyday! Time to power through and keep my goal in front of me!

Cookies for marbles

Today was an interesting day. For the past couple days I have been hating the food I have had to eat and I thought about cheating. The worst part has been the egg whites. I'm not going to say everything on my diet because well that's not fair to Brian as this is part of his business. But the egg whites have been killer and been making me sick. The only time I have eaten eggs is in an omelette. Well I found an alternative thanks to Brian

Afterwards he decided to do cardio kick boxing for an hour. Up until now my training sessions have been thirty minutes of go go go. Today was different. Nine different rotations and running two laps around the building and this building is on a hill.

The first time he had me run I made it half way without stopping. Today I made it around once, walked up the hill and ran the rest of the way. I was so excited! Running on pavement is so different for me from being on the treadmill. Right there alone was the boost I have been needing.

On to the circuit. I did well and really stepped it up from the last time we did kickboxing. The sit ups still suck but I was able to do more than last time. I am really excited than my endurance is picking up and I can do more and more each week. I was pouring sweat the entire time. By the end I was exhausted but I felt really accomplished and really proud of myself.

Then Brian decided since I won't be in town Friday for a weigh in we were going to do it tonight! Ahhhh!

Good news lost two more pounds! That's 8 pounds in three weeks!!! That's so awesome and I feel so great! I was starting to waiver but tonight's workout and weigh in has me 100% motivated again!

So the reason of cookies for marbles. I have two small glass bowls, one marble for each pound I want to lose. All the marbles are in one bowl and each pound I lose I get to move that marble. Any pound I gain it has to go back. It's really helped with the urge to snack in the living room because that's where I keep it! So here are my marbles that help keep me going!!!!


Here's to the marbles!!!!

Where Cookies Go To Die

Yup that's right. The other side of the gym.

I was thinking tonight might be a repeat of kettle bell hell but no he topped that one. I can always count on Brian for never repeating and always something new and focusing on a different area to train.

Tonight was the other side. It's kid of like ok I walk in the door and there are the treadmills or ellipticals or the area of kettle bells and balls. Tonight no more. We moved to the other side.

Yup that's deadweights, bench pressing, and the land of my thighs hating me:) We started off bench pressing. I'm think ok I got this. Then I was laying down and lifted the bar. Now I feel weak. Up until now I faced each exercise like I got this. Now for those of you who work out and are fit, I sound weak. After ten reps at 45 pounds I realized how weak my arms are. It made me upset and angry but it shouldn't. That is why I'm doing all of this, I make myself fit, active, and all around healthy.

Well in between was squats. I feel like the squats queen. My thighs don't but I do. Then it was on to dead weights. Another I got this. What's really nice about having Brian is the focus of why my form is as how it affects me. Staying in posture is key especially with the history of my back. Took a second to get the hang of it but I got it. Then in between push ups. Like my arms didn't have enough. Made it through!!!

Ok last two. Free weights and lunges. I was good the first go around and the free weight I was good. Lunges not so much. I will get better and my form was good. I was struggling but I know it's another activity to help me succeed. I know Brian is guiding me in the right direction. By the end I was sweating bullets but I felt like I don't know ... Off.

Oh well I will get over it. I made it through each exercise and gave it my all and pushed forward. I was about to leave and then the pain. Lol. I will be sore but sore means its working! Therefore I could barely lift my arms to drive.

Cookies died tonight as the walk up the steps to my apartment was more difficult than anticipated! Feel the burn! I wish someone was home cooking me dinner but it's I'm the oven and it's time for chicken with steamed broccoli!

That's all tonight I'm ready to eat and sleep. Another great day of moving toward my goals!

Happy cookies!

Cookies Go To Zumba

Hey everyone! It's been a couple days do time to fill you in!

I didn't drink all weekend and I'm ok with that. I do however, miss my ice cold Miller Lite! One day, hopefully soon, I'll have you again :) I instead caught up on all my cleaning, laundry, and finally relaxing!

Saturday I got up and went to the local market with my parents. All my vegetables for a week for less than 9 dollars! After that it was time to each chicken and spinach and then I spent the rest of the day at the pool. It is my number one priority to be dark. Sick of being pale white or burnt! It is truly the way I relax and really the only time I relax.

Before you start asking what was your workout, I did not work out Friday Saturday or Sunday. I took the weekend off to finally relax for more than an hour. Sunday I spent with the family , of course still drinking my protein and dinner was blackened tilapia! It was so good. My dad, who is an amazing cook, helped me put together the rub. It was so good. Sunday night was back to my three days of egg whites :( I just don't like it but getting used to it.

Monday I was still on cloud nine from my six pound loss on Friday. Wouldn't you know it the day flew by and it was time to train. Not sure what he had in store for me. Although, he was sick of being inside so outside we went. Outside means running and I hate running.

So we ran. Well I ran. Up an down te hill, don't forget had to stop half way up do ten squats and then continue on. I had to stop to catch my breath. Not used to deep lung breathing but it's going to get better and I'm sure he's going to continue to make me run. My fear, it's south Carolina as the summer goes on the heat and humidity goes up. We all know I hate sweating and unfortunately that's not stopping.

Pushing forward, I ended up hitting the tractor tire with a sledge hammer for awhile. That was fun getting frustration out an until today when I woke up I had no idea how much my shoulders would be sore. Oh well moving on!

Today was Zumba! My sister and a friend came and it was so much fun and was not nearly as exhausted as I was the week before. I didn't stop as much to get water. Proud of myself. It was a great Zumba class tonight and tomorrow is another round of training with Brian!


Well I have run out of words and I'm starving so off to tuna and Brussels sprout! Enjoy!